Colin Casbolt

Colin Casbolt - "The Bard"

First of all I must ask A.A. Gill not to sue me?, we love his work and we love his style.

Here in Ibiza we get the Sunday Times on Monday mornings, sometimes with supplements, sometimes not, and there's always a rush to grab the only four copies that arrive in our village. Hence the glorious day when I managed to secure a copy, with supplement and the critique by Gill of the T.V. programme defining the sex life of the Octopus. It completely killed me and my friends as I told the story numerous times in the local bars. I hope it is actually true as all the children now believe it too? A.A. Gill - this one's for you - come and visit, you're welcome anytime.

Sex life of the Octopus
Poor Octopus has a dreadful life
The poor old thing, doesn't have a wife
And when the sad thing wants to mate
He gets into a dreadful state

You see he doesn't have a prick
Well not like us, a proud male stick
The poor thing has a kind of sack
That curls around and up his back

So when he mates, now it would seem
He pumps it up with all his cream
And when it's filled with all his sperm
It shoots off like a jet-fired worm

So down below this thing will roam
Just looking for a perfect home
Alive now for a lady fair
With coral blossom in her hair

Alas the lady, sad to say
Just doesn't have the means to play
And thus this roaming rampant prick
Has to think up a brand new trick

Where can I go he raves and rants
If she has nothing in her pants
But as the urge it grew and rose
He promptly shot right up her nose

But now just think of poor old dad
Who shot his load and was quite glad
To cruise around the sun-lit sea
And think of babies he'll soon see

But sad to say his whole lot's spent
As up her nose his future went
No-one can help the poor old sod
A genetic joke by good old god